


I Ponder of Something Great

by pretty_mr_sanders (shipit)



Category: Sanders Sides, Thomas Sanders, Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Basically me rambling on for 800 words, Fighting, M/M, Unrequited Love, Vague descriptions of rough sex, blood mentioned once, but not ultra graphic I don't think
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-14
Updated: 2017-08-14
Packaged: 2018-12-15 11:21:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11804979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shipit/pseuds/pretty_mr_sanders
Summary: Logan doesn't hate Roman as much as he should // Inspired a lil by Car Radio by TOP





	I Ponder of Something Great

**Author's Note:**

> I put triggers in the tags

At the very core, Logan is a dreamer, just as Roman is. All his passion for learning and drive to understand, demolish, and rebuild come from his own distinct creativity that Roman simply doesn’t have. It’s raw and unpolished, unpublished, and built from the ground up by an innate desire for knowledge. One could say his private dreams are more realistic than Roman’s; they almost always come to fruition, while Roman’s are a fifty-fifty chance. Sometimes, Logan thinks that Roman knows it, and that causes some of their less than necessary fights.

Logan has to concede, it stings when Roman jabs at his lack of emotion and creativity. He has both things, but expresses them differently, which Roman implies makes him broken. Lesser. Worthless. He can’t lose his cool and scream that he’s none of those things, so he does the only thing he knows: Logan shoves Roman into the nearest wall and  _ takes _ .

He steals angry, bruising kisses from Roman’s lips until they’re swollen and dark. His fingers dig into the skin of Roman’s hips when his hands slide beneath the fabric of the shirt. The entire time, he mocks Roman and his hurtful words.  _ If I’m so useless, then why don’t I leave you right here to sort yourself out _ ? All of a sudden, Roman is compliant and goes to whichever of their bedrooms is closest. To finally release the built up tension, they fuck until one of them passes out, covered in bruises, bites, scratches, and handprints. Neither one wants to submit. Neither one wants to admit defeat.

While Roman showers, Logan strips the bed of sheets stained with cum and occasionally blood to replace them with a fresh set. That way, when they’ve calmed down, they don’t have to stare at the reminders of a mistake they can’t help but make.

Sometimes, though, Logan starts it. His mind is clamoring with too many thoughts that he can’t control anymore, so he stops it all by surrendering. He lets Roman take from him, for once.  _ Just this once _ , he gives.

But the moment it’s over, they’re back to where they were. Roman dreams up new videos while Logan creates mind-numbingly incredible inventions and reparations of failures with the creativity that’s  _ his, not Roman’s _ . The kind of release from those days keeps Logan sated, sedate, for a few days. A post-orgasm haze seems to settle over him, keeping him optimally productive, but pleasantly fuzzy. By the time he’s coherent again, Roman is back to the insults, the screams, and the insistence that Logan is worthless.

On occasion, the house is completely silent.

The eye of the storm lights up everything, and for a couple of months, Logan and Roman manage to appear civil and courteous for each other. Appear is the key word, for once Patton and Virgil are otherwise occupied, they silently duke out their combative opinions. 

Even in the calm, there’s hatred and rivalry that never quite absolves itself. How can it, when neither of them dare to apologize or try to make amends for mistakes? They toe a fine line between angry and murderous, always careful never to fall on the wrong side. As unideal as their relationship is, it’s consistent. They don’t have to worry about the unexpected, the unplanned, the spontaneous. When arguments arise, they table the matter and exercise their frustration. No feelings. No nothing.

That is, until Logan realizes he cares.

He cares whether or not Roman makes it home from his dramatic quests. He cares if Roman’s having a bad day. He cares. He wants to see Roman happy and in love and, as he lies awake at night thinking about it, he wants to kiss Roman.

Not their usual kisses, all sharp edges, teeth and tongue, desperate need rushing them. Logan wants soft kisses, the kind that are shared with lovers upon going to bed and waking up, and the ones when someone’s going off to work and you’ll miss them during the day, and the quick “I love you” kisses, and all the ones in between. Somewhere along the line, he let his emotions get the better of him. Now, the sex isn’t just a way to release pent up frustration, but his only chance to be close to someone he loves. Roman eases the ever present buzz in his skull, but only through spiteful words and reminders of what they will never be.

And honestly, he’s accepted the fact that in lieu of the affection he pretends not to crave, he’ll get the silent treatment after a night that both of them use to get off when they don’t have each other. The only time it really bothers Logan anymore is late at night, after a particularly disheartening day, and he wishes he had someone to hold him and disguise the crawling in his skin from disgust at his complete inability to make anyone feel better. There’s too much life and too much pain in every thought. He wishes for Roman to drown it out, but he can’t simply show up at Roman’s door begging to be fixed. Especially when Logan is supposed to be the one good at putting things back together.

 

**Author's Note:**

> My tumblr is coincidentally also pretty-mr-sanders


End file.
